Monday, 3 November 2014

NaNoWriMo 2014 - Day 3

In case you've stumbled across this chapter of my memoirs orphaned from the greater canon of my no-doubt-tediously massive biography--and assuming I have not reached a level of fame so universal that schoolgirls in Timbuktu and granddads in Amazonian jungles hear my name and say "Oh, yes, Lord Foxbridge... what about him?"--I shall take this opportunity to introduce myself.

As Debrett can tell you, my name is Sebastian Albert Savarell St. Clair, Viscount Foxbridge by courtesy, and I was born on April 11, 1906; my father is the 10th Earl of Vere, Parliamentary Undersecretary of Tax to the Inland Revenue, and my late mother was an American heiress; I grew up at Foxbridge Castle in Gloucestershire, I attended Eton and Magdalen College, Oxford (B.A. 1927); I live at 34 St. James's Street, W1 and belong to Brooks's, the Oxford & Cambridge, and the Bachelors'.

What Debrett won't tell you is that I'm extraordinarily pretty, with curling auburn hair, big round chestnut-colour eyes, plump rosepetal lips, and blushing alabaster skin--this I owe to my mother, who was a famous beauty; Debrett is also too discreet to mention that I am obscenely rich, sole heir to my grandfather's patent-medicine millions (which I also owe to my mother), and since I came of age last Spring I command a fairly colossal income.  I also inherited a million or so pounds from my father's younger brother, who I think was something of a gangster in Singapore, and of course will one day inherit my father's earldom with its hundred thousand acres and several stately homes.

I suppose it is rather gauche to mention these things, and worse to hammer away at them, but what are a few indelicate details among friends?  Discreet reticence doesn't make for very good memoirs, you know.  Besides, Debrett tells you all the ladies' ages, so their discretion isn't exactly a model for a young gentleman's use, anyway.

At any rate, I'd like to think that the best use of great wealth and great beauty is to spread them around liberally; the only thing I like better than throwing money around is to
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